Thank you

Born as the last one… / Growing up through child hood, guarded by my mother / Surrounded by pair of brothers and sisters / Pairs of grandmothers / Several uncles and aunty completed by cousins / (Honestly it was a 21 couples of uncle and aunty) / A town full of neighbors / Bunch of peers…. / Familiar faces all around   

Life were so truly wonderful / Everyday you wake up with a new dream / Riding on the back of the pick up/ Aim for Tanjung pasir on the weekend / Climbing the branch of the red flowery tree / Digging the sand, looking for kabia / Cruising to the nearest island with the fisherman boat   

Days filled with playing schedule / Just to laugh and have a good time / From rubber rope jumping game  / Flying kite while running around the field with brothers / Reading and catching the wind / Chasing the firefly / Grew with the elder and the twins / And sing “lala and sasa” with them / And the school is my palace / To learn new thing and to hear new stories / Open the mind into another door / To numbers and alphabets / Listening about the legend / Inspiring people / Hideous creatures    

Feeling the thrill to hear / the enchanted stories of the black orchid in Papua/ Toki’s stories on Buncil / The grab on my feet before pillow time / A mommy pretend monstrous to be / Full of imagination and fantasy / Millions of idea / Where everything is possible / / And all you jealous about is the height of the refrigerator / To grab the ice cream above   

Years passed by…. / When I’m felling reckless and weary / I riding my bike back to Tanjung Pasir / Through pintu air / Riding along the tunnel / To captured those memories / Grateful for each experience    

For the things that shaped me / I just glad I grew up this way   

ps: I dedicated this to my dearest uncle, a father in my childhood  I wish you could just see me by now, miss you lot cek

Transferred from my old blog on October 23rd 2007 

Feelin’ blue

Have you ever felt so tired once in your life time? / That… what ever you do / Somehow it just seems not good enough…  

Hey, have you ever been so tired like this? / When people I’ve met keep asking why, why and why… / Feeling so misunderstood… / The story between me and her

It is so easy for other people to see / With all the roughness / Words that I spoke / Hundreds of cigarettes that I burned / The black coffee that I zipped / I’ll be the one who would take the finger… / To be pointed at when everything goes wrong   

Have you ever felt the same way… / Feeling so lost… / Left by your friend when you need her the most / Not a single words… / not a single message… / To my concern, my fears / Nor my special day / my graduation / Putting her worries upfront / instead the support I was hoping… / for the precious feeling that I found

Doesn’t she knew / That it would be nice to know / If I could share the feeling / On that moment in time / Though  I might hearing / I told you so  / At the end / Am I wrong to expect / That at least she could pretend / to be happy for me / The one who thought I was angry / because of the birthday thing / a silly thought    

Have you ever felt the same way… / So misunderstood…. / Feeling so exhausted / in this kind of friendship   

I keep pushing myself to reach a new limit everyday / Separate myself and the shadow in my mirror / So no one knows about my fear and sorrow / I kept my silence / avoiding further hurt in all cause / For all the disappointment I endure / But still …its just not enough / When people keep asking / Shouting at me / Blaming  

And here I am / Typing all of these words / Trying to loose some of the pain / Just for this very moment / ……………….

Transferred from my 2007 personal journals, drawn from my old blog

A piece of my mind

I watch the world / with different point of view / each time I open my eyes / Life is so crowded / Full of surprise / You never knew / what you might find   

So I try…. / To spell the words of grace / for each chance that I had / especially those priceless moment / that I kept within me

When to be logically / Seems didn’t make any sense / Confusing feelings / A rebelling mind / A chaos of a wounded heart / Like walking in the maze 

Let me tell you / a piece of a chapter / in this journey / to be born and grow… / to learn and accept… / to give… / to share… / to be wanted… / to be needed… / to be loved / by him   

I once thought / Time will heal the pain / I was so wrong / Time less the pain / But the pain itself still there / With certain songs… / The smell of the rain… / Scent of the perfume… /  Will squeezed your heart  / With the breeze / That you can not explain / Even though you try to 

There were moments / When you walk across the field / The smell of the rainy cutting grass / Caught those flying pieces / memories that start to fade… / Pulled you back in time / And fighting this feeling / would be restless and endless 

It feels like / it was only happen yesterday /when I wave him at that place / And when the hectic phase / passed us by / We were just like the wounded creature / With the broken wings / Looking for a hiding place / To heal what’s been injured / To soothe   

In this despair / When all that left is thinner faith / By the ticking of the clock 

My hands reaching… / Missing the embracing arms / Entwined fingers / The look into my eyes / Way that he speak and laugh / The lullaby he sing / When the moon and stars swing / the cigarettes…. 

My eyes were closed / My mind pondering /My heart wondering/ My soul is wishing / Whispering a hope / still   I catch the falling leaves / Watch the season turn / While the time goes by / I knew…  / I need to go on  / Looking for the path / With that intersection / To find you again  At that time I’ll be standing / In front of you / I’ll be saying the words / I was afraid to say before / No more hiding / From myself / From you / And from them 

When it comes / There will be no more regret / Even though we will go on different direction    The wind flew through my hair / Touching the thought of you / And at last / I could smile / Once again / Thinking of you 

Transferred from the old blog on Jully 3rd 2007