Thank you

Born as the last one… / Growing up through child hood, guarded by my mother / Surrounded by pair of brothers and sisters / Pairs of grandmothers / Several uncles and aunty completed by cousins / (Honestly it was a 21 couples of uncle and aunty) / A town full of neighbors / Bunch of peers…. / Familiar faces all around   

Life were so truly wonderful / Everyday you wake up with a new dream / Riding on the back of the pick up/ Aim for Tanjung pasir on the weekend / Climbing the branch of the red flowery tree / Digging the sand, looking for kabia / Cruising to the nearest island with the fisherman boat   

Days filled with playing schedule / Just to laugh and have a good time / From rubber rope jumping game  / Flying kite while running around the field with brothers / Reading and catching the wind / Chasing the firefly / Grew with the elder and the twins / And sing “lala and sasa” with them / And the school is my palace / To learn new thing and to hear new stories / Open the mind into another door / To numbers and alphabets / Listening about the legend / Inspiring people / Hideous creatures    

Feeling the thrill to hear / the enchanted stories of the black orchid in Papua/ Toki’s stories on Buncil / The grab on my feet before pillow time / A mommy pretend monstrous to be / Full of imagination and fantasy / Millions of idea / Where everything is possible / / And all you jealous about is the height of the refrigerator / To grab the ice cream above   

Years passed by…. / When I’m felling reckless and weary / I riding my bike back to Tanjung Pasir / Through pintu air / Riding along the tunnel / To captured those memories / Grateful for each experience    

For the things that shaped me / I just glad I grew up this way   

ps: I dedicated this to my dearest uncle, a father in my childhood  I wish you could just see me by now, miss you lot cek

Transferred from my old blog on October 23rd 2007 

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Feelin’ blue

Have you ever felt so tired once in your life time? / That… what ever you do / Somehow it just seems not good enough…  

Hey, have you ever been so tired like this? / When people I’ve met keep asking why, why and why… / Feeling so misunderstood… / The story between me and her

It is so easy for other people to see / With all the roughness / Words that I spoke / Hundreds of cigarettes that I burned / The black coffee that I zipped / I’ll be the one who would take the finger… / To be pointed at when everything goes wrong   

Have you ever felt the same way… / Feeling so lost… / Left by your friend when you need her the most / Not a single words… / not a single message… / To my concern, my fears / Nor my special day / my graduation / Putting her worries upfront / instead the support I was hoping… / for the precious feeling that I found

Doesn’t she knew / That it would be nice to know / If I could share the feeling / On that moment in time / Though  I might hearing / I told you so  / At the end / Am I wrong to expect / That at least she could pretend / to be happy for me / The one who thought I was angry / because of the birthday thing / a silly thought    

Have you ever felt the same way… / So misunderstood…. / Feeling so exhausted / in this kind of friendship   

I keep pushing myself to reach a new limit everyday / Separate myself and the shadow in my mirror / So no one knows about my fear and sorrow / I kept my silence / avoiding further hurt in all cause / For all the disappointment I endure / But still …its just not enough / When people keep asking / Shouting at me / Blaming  

And here I am / Typing all of these words / Trying to loose some of the pain / Just for this very moment / ……………….

Transferred from my 2007 personal journals, drawn from my old blog

A piece of my mind

I watch the world / with different point of view / each time I open my eyes / Life is so crowded / Full of surprise / You never knew / what you might find   

So I try…. / To spell the words of grace / for each chance that I had / especially those priceless moment / that I kept within me

When to be logically / Seems didn’t make any sense / Confusing feelings / A rebelling mind / A chaos of a wounded heart / Like walking in the maze 

Let me tell you / a piece of a chapter / in this journey / to be born and grow… / to learn and accept… / to give… / to share… / to be wanted… / to be needed… / to be loved / by him   

I once thought / Time will heal the pain / I was so wrong / Time less the pain / But the pain itself still there / With certain songs… / The smell of the rain… / Scent of the perfume… /  Will squeezed your heart  / With the breeze / That you can not explain / Even though you try to 

There were moments / When you walk across the field / The smell of the rainy cutting grass / Caught those flying pieces / memories that start to fade… / Pulled you back in time / And fighting this feeling / would be restless and endless 

It feels like / it was only happen yesterday /when I wave him at that place / And when the hectic phase / passed us by / We were just like the wounded creature / With the broken wings / Looking for a hiding place / To heal what’s been injured / To soothe   

In this despair / When all that left is thinner faith / By the ticking of the clock 

My hands reaching… / Missing the embracing arms / Entwined fingers / The look into my eyes / Way that he speak and laugh / The lullaby he sing / When the moon and stars swing / the cigarettes…. 

My eyes were closed / My mind pondering /My heart wondering/ My soul is wishing / Whispering a hope / still   I catch the falling leaves / Watch the season turn / While the time goes by / I knew…  / I need to go on  / Looking for the path / With that intersection / To find you again  At that time I’ll be standing / In front of you / I’ll be saying the words / I was afraid to say before / No more hiding / From myself / From you / And from them 

When it comes / There will be no more regret / Even though we will go on different direction    The wind flew through my hair / Touching the thought of you / And at last / I could smile / Once again / Thinking of you 

Transferred from the old blog on Jully 3^rd 2007